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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199043">continuous</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Its kinda sad guys, M/M, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, cause sometimes we make him out to be too perfect, like daisuga is there but you can read it as not there as well????, my take on suga, the focus is koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:08:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’s never been the best at anything. He’s good looking enough, and his grades are fine too. His passions change with the seasons, some staying for a few years, some hobbies only interesting him for a week. He’s ice-skated, knitted, binge watched baking shows and tried his hand at poetry. (Albeit, it was very bad poetry, but he doesn’t mention that.) It’s the one thing his family members say that you can count on, Koushi, jack of all trades, master of none. It is reliable, trusty, of him to not be the best at anything. At the young age of 14, he accepts the fact that it will most likely be his only defining feature. "</p><p> - Excerpt from "continuous"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azumane Asahi &amp; Sawamura Daichi &amp; Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi &amp; Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>continuous</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi hi! while i work on ch 2 of red carpets, roses and rom coms, have this analysis of sorts of one of my favorite characters!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He’s never been the best at anything. He’s good looking enough, and his grades are fine too. His passions change with the seasons, some staying for a few years, some hobbies only interesting him for a week. He’s ice-skated, knitted, binge watched baking shows and tried his hand at poetry. (Albeit, it was very bad poetry, but he doesn’t mention that.) It’s the one thing his family members say that you can count on, Koushi, jack of all trades, master of none. It is reliable, trusty, of him to not be the best at anything. At the young age of 14, he accepts the fact that it will most likely be his only defining feature. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He learns to continue on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then volleyball makes its way more suddenly in his life. He's always liked volleyball, always been decent at it. For a bit, he tells himself he’s the best setter on his team. Best. The word is foreign to him, but he likes the way it sounds on his tongue despite the bitter aftertaste. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He likes the way it sounds that when he runs everyday the word is uttered on chapped lips, breath materializing in the frosty air. He is 15, when he thinks, maybe I don’t have to be second best. He is fifteen when he is crushed yet again, at the loss of his team. National seems so far away. He is fifteen when he is on the starting line-up, but he is fifteen when he fails. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nationals playing on televisions in stores as he walks past them are a cruel reminder of his loss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is sixteen when he returns to the Karasuno gym, filled with vigor and purpose and a want to win. He wants, more than anything, to go to nationals, he trains for it, he pushes for it. He isn’t a prodigy like that Oikawa Tooru, but he is reliable. His team can count on him. He makes sure of it. He is a continuous driving force behind the team, he fights like never before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, again, he loses though. Not even second best. He sees walls in front of him and he recognizes them as the ones he spent a few years building, he’s trapped in the fantasy he created. So he works hard, again. He tries to rebuild his team, and though he doesn’t succeed, he manages to destroy the walls he had built. He manages to escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He isn’t sure he’s happier in reality though, anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is seventeen years old when a wrecking ball smashes through his front door. Figuratively and literally. The figurative wrecking ball refers to Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio. He senses drive and talent in them immediately, and secretly he is overjoyed that they both came to Karasuno. He is not so overjoyed when he realises that the “idiot duo” as dubbed by another underclassman of his, though almost untouchable together in the court, are absolutely irritating out of it. He is patient though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He helps Hinata strengthen his receives until Kageyama will set to him, he wakes up early to help them both train for the match that determines whether they can get on the team or not. When Tanaka says “You’re an angel, Suga.”, he can only bashfully smile and run his neck. Tanaka doesn’t know that Suga does it all with a bitter taste in his mouth, with rude comments running through his head with every piece of praise he gives out. He throws up in the bathroom every day after practice, stares at himself in his mirror with disgust in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why am I like this?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He wonders on long walks to school and late nights spent on studying. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why can’t I help them with no malice in my heart?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s because they’re better than you are. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The ugly monster he calls envy rears its head and roars inside him. So much so, he begins to despise the sight of his underclassmen, all of them dripping with talent. It’s a testament to his acting that no one realises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continues on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the team gets a new coach he knows what’s going to happen. He knows that the coach will struggle between choosing him and Kageyama to play in the official matches. He knows that Kageyama is the strongest setter Karasuno’s seen in a while, talent almost matching Oikawa’s. It’s for his pride that he walks up to the captain and tells him to choose Kageyama for the starting lineup. He knows it would be better than the captain properly considering both of them and then choosing him. He says he loves volleyball, and he knows the words coming out of his mouth are true. He wants the best for the team.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That stupid word again. Best. He does want the best for his team. He just wishes it was him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karasuno does well. Better than they have in years, beating old opponents, new ones. He even plays sometimes, developing strategies with spikers, getting to know his teammates better. He even slowly, bit by bit, loses his malice for his youngers. He understands, now, that it was for the best. He even comes to love them as he does every other teammate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wishes his younger self could see him now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he continues on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he graduates, he is the salutatorian. Some super smart kid is first, with an average higher than most of his grades. He isn’t bitter about it. (At least, that’s what he tells himself.) When Daichi congratulates him on being second best (well, those weren’t his words, but it’s all he can see), Koushi snaps at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does it matter? They’ll all be looking at the valedictorian anyways.” He says. Daichi’s eyes widen, and Koushi can see the disapproval run over his face. He masks it in an instant and pats Koushi on the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did well, Koushi. You should be proud.” He looks at him and walks away, as if a lot of things he’s done have begun to make sense. “It’s not important to always be the best.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought he left behind his attachment to the word back when he had lost at Nationals. He had been so caught up in the moment it hadn’t mattered they came so close. In that moment it was just him and a million memories, a farewell wrapped in a bittersweet bow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head. You don’t lose attachment to something you’ve wanted all your life like that. You don’t spend years pouring your heart into something and then leaving it behind. He plasters a smile that feels more for Daichi than himself, and runs after his best friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” His eyes hold a bigger apology than that. Daichi’s always been reliable. Good old Daichi. He just nods and smiles, and Koushi knows they're good again. He doesn’t even think about the exchange later, until the class has left the restaurant, until it’s just him and Daichi sitting in a booth at the restaurant they had their after party at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks at Koushi seriously, and asks him with concern in his eyes. “Are you okay, Suga? Have you been okay at all?” He’s disgusted with himself, but he likes the way Daichi looks at him in that moment. As if he only cares for Koushi. As if Koushi is important. He brushes the strange feeling away and smiles, a real smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay. At least I will be. New beginnings now, right?” Daichi looks relieved. Whatever he was thinking before must be gone. Koushi knows he’s excited for University. They’re going to the same one, but with wildly different majors and career tracks. It's a consolation that they’ll be close by to visit, at least. His best friend, Daichi. Of course, the thought flits into his head that Daichi will be making new friends, that he won’t be his friend anymore. He knows that friends drift apart, he knows it’s not guaranteed that Daichi will always be friends with him. He brushes away the negative thought, yet again, and nods uncommittedly at whatever Daichi responds with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continues, yet again, on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s his second year of teacher’s college when he has to get interviewed by the department head. It’s a necessary event, to make sure that your social skills are befitting of a teacher. It makes sense to him. He’s even excited for it, ready to show the head that he’s a great candidate for the role. He talks to Daichi about it for the whole week preceding the actual thing, and he’s glad to hear Daichi was listening when he gets the text saying “Good luck!” ten minutes before the interview. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His good mood vanishes when he hears the words the teacher says the minute he sits down. “You have done consistently well Sugawara.” he says seriously. “Your grades are in the top three of the entire program, and although they aren’t good enough to put you in first place, they are very admirable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, thank you.” he responds. The words feel dry and gross in his mouth. “I try.” the interview goes off without a hitch, but the “aren’t good enough” repeats itself in his head. He reaches his dorm and collapses on the bed, his body racked with heaving sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries. He tries every time. And somehow, he always lets himself down. When he calls his mom his mood has drastically improved. He brightly says “The dean said I was in the top three of the program!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can hear his mother’s apprehension form the other side. “Top three, huh? Well, it should have been expected. Nice job though, my love. You did great.” He guesses his mother isn’t surprised either. Sugawara Koushi. Jack of all trades, never master of one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continues on. It’s all he can do. He doesn’t know what else to do anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets his first job easily. He had good grades, a stunning recommendation from the dean (which he can’t bring himself to be happy about) and a passion for his career. He was a surefire shot for the job.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His placement is a little elementary school in Miyagi. It’s close enough to his apartment that he can walk to school everyday. He stops by Asahi’s studio sometimes, when he’s walking home. They talk more. They talk a lot. Asahi is surprisingly perceptive and Koushi is willing to open up. He finds himself in ways he didn’t know, he finds himself not caring whether he’s the best. There's nothing for him to be the best at. All he can do is teach his students and go home to a warm house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He goes to the Schweiden Adlers vs MSBY Jackals game. He tears up a little when he sees how far everyone’s come. He can’t believe he had so much malice for them before. He doesn't mind not being the best setter anymore. He settles at being the best at cheering. He’ll cheer them on for following their dreams, for flying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s sitting at his desk in his classroom, marking student work when one of his students walks up to his desk. Ichika, her name is. She’s a sweet little girl, and Koushi smiles easily at the sight of her. She smiles, her two missing front teeth visible in her smile, and holds out a piece of paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not an amazing drawing, by all means, but she’s a kindergartener. He can tell what’s important, though. A small girl, and a man with light silver hair. He pretends to gasp and points at the man in the drawing. “Is that me?” He says excitedly. She nods cutely and explains the rest of the drawing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s me and you, Suga-sensei! I drew you and me because I think you’re the best teacher ever!” He stops short. He feels as though he can’t breathe, as though his lungs have been filled up with happiness. It’s a few words from a four year old. She breaks down the house he had built around that word and shrouds it with light, she has rewritten everything he thought he knew about the word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it’s not being the best in your eyes. Maybe it’s doing the best you can for someone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Is that it?</em> He wonders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One last time, this time equipped with enlightenment, he continues on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is on his deathbed, surrounded by his dearest friends. Daichi awaits him in heaven, or wherever souls go once people die, and Asahi is sitting beside him, murmuring prayers and giving him love. Kageyama and Hinata are bickering, but when they came they had spent hours crying and telling him how amazing he was, how he was their best (best!) senpai, how they would miss him so. His other teammates came by as well, telling him stories he didn't even remember, reminding him of all the places he had left his mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ichika is on his other side. She visits often, she has been visiting for years. She says that it’s the least she could do for the best teacher she had. He’s not even sure if Ichika remembers what happened in that class. He remembers, though and that’s enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it’s time, he looks back on his life. He can’t believe he spent so many years disappointed in himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When it’s time, he continues on. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>follow me on tumblr @/snazzieyama for updates and more!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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